Take-off on Aunt Martha's Sheep

This is a half-baked take-off on "Aunt Martha's Sheep" (you have to know the tune, or read no further) that I used for Penelope's half-birthday celebration some time ago. By way of explanation of some of the terms used, Bambara is a language they speak in Mali, where she often works, Christina is our neighbour, Maywood is our community, and we always celebrate half-birthdays in our household...


Come gather all around me and I’ll sing to you a tale,
About the time Penelope Ann almost went to jail.
It happened here in Maywood, January 24,
At our yellow house on Fillmore Street, so listen up some more.

For if you pay attention, now I know I’ll make you laugh.
It was Penelope’s half-birthday. She was forty-one and a half.
The kids and I were relaxing after making her birthday cake,
But somewhere, somehow, someone must have made a big mistake.

Now to this day, we do not know exactly what went wrong.
We must have mixed some powder in that didn’t quite belong.
The cake was in the oven; we were in the living room,
We were laughing; we were playing when the whole thing went kaboom!

You never in your whole life long have seen a bigger mess.
Christina must have heard and called up 9-1-1, I guess.
The police came bursting in the house and Sarah shouted, “Mom!”
But the officer couldn’t hear and thought that she was shouting, “Bomb!”

We had a banner on the wall with only half her name
Because of her half-birthday, that was all a sort of game.
He took one look and said “El-ope Ben…Laden (so he guessed)
Now you just raise your hands,” he said, “Ben-Laden, you’re under arrest.”

He walked around the study next and took a little look,
And quickly found Penelope’s Teach Yourself Bambara book.
He couldn’t read, like all those other Homeland cops, I fear,
He said “I see we got ourselves a self-taught Bomber here.”

Lucky for her this happened after Inauguration Day,
Or she might have been a long long time in old Guantanamo Bay.
We had to call the White House just to get her out of hock,
I’m glad we’ve got a new president…yes, thanks so much, Barack.

She had a fine half-birthday once we cleaned up all the goo.
We were licking chocolate off the walls and halls and ceiling too.
The guys from Homeland Security, if they land in your home, for sure.
Just feed ‘em chocolate from the start if you want to keep secure.

After they left we popped the balloons and broke the pinata too.
We waited because they’d probably think that that’s what terrorists do.
They can’t tell Moms from bombs but hey, forgive me if I boast,
The half-cake mustn’t have been half bad, cuz Security ate the most.
Yes, the half-cake mustn’t have been half bad, cuz Security ate the most.