Marry Christmas

[My cousins James and Katie are both getting married this December. - Heather]

Twas the week before Christmas and the family plowed ahead
To get all its members immediately wed.

The hints had been hanging quite thick in the air--
Mom wanted more weddings, her calendar was bare.

Don and Pam were nestled all smug in their bed.
Thanks to Becca and Jo, they were done months ahead.

And Jean thanks to Brian and Joy thanks to Kate
At least had their families out of the gate,

And Danny was stirring, a big break for Bob,
And Lauralee and Heather had been long on the job

While Bill for his part was just married to Anne
But what had befallen the rest of the clan?

On Jenni, on Jesse, on Amy, on Jay,
On Justin, on Nicki, let's plan the big day.

On Steven, Janelle, now on Jonny and Ted,
Now dash away, dash away, off to be wed...

Then somewhere in Vegas there rose such a clatter
I sprang to the computer to see what was the matter.

Away to our favorite family site
With wedding news only all day and all night.

When what did my wondering eyes see but lots
Of pictures of Mom out there playing the slots.

Then a wedding unfolded for Jaime and James
Stopping Mom’s high-stakes Scrabble and Backgammon games

The reverend in charge was soon shaking his pelvis
And I knew in a moment it had to be Elvis.

He wore a white jump suit, his hair greased and slick.
He had those big side burns, that strange facial tic,

He went straight to the vows and ere time could elapse
The I do's were all done, Mom was back playing craps.

Her eyes how they sparkled, her dimples how merry,
Her luck at the tables how soon legendary.

Her droll little mouth, who would ever believe
That this sweet little lady had cards up her sleeve?

She put all her chips in a towering pile
And went to the Scrabble pit, picking one tile,

And I heard her exclaim, ‘ere they dragged her away,
"All of this says my very next tile is a J. "

But it wasn't a J, it was some other letter,
A Z for AMAZING--a bingo (much better!).

Back home, poor but happy, such fun in the sun,
The unnuptialled grandkids reduced now by one,

And I heard her exclaim that though Elvis was scary,
"Marry Christmas to all, and I emphasize Marry!"