Happy Birthday, St. Ted

St. Patrick saved the Irish and he drove the snakes away,
And that was very helpful so we celebrate his day,
But Ted has got a birthday that is less than two weeks later,
And great as Patrick was, I think that Ted is even greater,
For Ted has got five siblings and I think it’s only fair
To note that all St. Patrick did can never quite compare.

St. Patrick never had to deal with brotherly assault
Or take the rap for messy rooms when they were not his fault.
The Irish didn’t pester him to let them use his stuff
Or tease him that his voice was simply not quite loud enough,
St. Patrick never broke his wrists in sibling snowball fights
Or had to listen to his sister on the phone at nights.

The Irish didn’t hold St. Patrick in a leg lock vice
(We won’t go into details but it wasn’t very nice).
The Irish were an irksome lot, of that there is no doubt,
But Danny and his siblings would have beat them in a rout.

Go celebrate March 17 if that’s what gives you cheer,
But round these parts we’ll celebrate the 30th each year.
So here’s to sibling rivalry—it isn’t for the faint,
And happy birthday, Ted. You are the one who is the saint.