Alex

When he was an only cousin
Things looked very good for him.
Now there are a couple dozen
And his odds are rather slim.

Just one uncle rich but sickly
Almost 30 years ago,
Or one aunt, and he could quickly
Have been heir to some chateau.

But disgustingly still healthy,
They did not cooperate,
(Not to mention they're not wealthy
And they chose to procreate).

Now there's so much competition
Just to make it in the will
That it's simply not worth wishin'
That they'll helpfully fall ill.

Thus his hopes are rent asunder,
Gone his castle by the lake,
And poor Alex has to wonder;
Can't a fellow catch a break?